It's been a long time since my last post. I think about this blog all the time, but am reluctant to document what was a dark period in this journey. Towards the end of August, Chris went to a photography workshop for a week and it unexpectedly rocked my world. I was slammed with an identity crisis that spiraled me into a depressed state where I was grasping for anything that would help me to find peace and a sense of identity outside of mothering. A wise friend of mine described it not of depression, but of grieving. Leaving a successful professional life merits a little time for grieving. While I knew that I had made the right decision, I didn't really know where I was headed. So now, a few months later, I can say that I have still won. I am thrilled to be home with my family and I am also thrilled to be having this time to redefine who I am. Lately I've been reading a lot on the concept of mothering. It is something different for every mother, and since my mother is gone, I feel a little bit lost. It's possible that I'd feel this way even if she were around, but I'll never know. The bottom line is that I miss her terribly and since she is the one who knows me best, I wish she were around to help me sort things out.
In light of this topic, I am sharing my new favorite picture. To me, it is the first photo I've seen that makes me feel like I've actually grown into being a mother. When I first saw this photo, there was something about it that looked different to me. Maybe it's the new wrinkles, or maybe it's just the sweet smile on my face as I look into those big blue eyes. What ever it is, I cling to it as a stepping stone to walk me through the next little while.
